So the next scheduled Apocalypse isn’t until October. Good; I have stuff to do before October, but little to do after it, and at the current rate of Armageddon I won’t need to pay off my student loan. More importantly, Dylan was 70 on Tuesday.

One of my favourite theories/lies/facts about Dylan is that the lyrics to ‘It’s a Hard Rain’s Gonna Fall’ consist of titles or opening lines for other songs which Dylan felt he wouldn’t have time to write before nuclear conflagration moved these matters rather lower down everyone’s list of concerns. In similar manner – and because I’m quite aware that most of my writing is what you’d get if you fed ‘The Libertines’, ‘class war’, ‘wank’, ‘appalling pun’, and ‘cultural history’ into a Random Lyrics Generator – here is a blog post consisting of titles for other blog posts which I doubt I’ll ever get around to writing. Only about two of these are serious proposals, of course, and the rest self-parodic. But the two keep changing.

– ‘You won’t really see me / I live in old movies’: Carl Barat and the Crisis of 21st Century Masculinity

– ‘Oh Come on, the Past is Gone’: Pulp, ‘Last Day of the Miners’ Strike’ and How I Learned to Let Go of my Ingrained Proletarian Resentment

– The Apollonian vs the Dionysian in the work of Doherty and Barat

– The Apollonian vs the Dionysian in the work of Devoto and Shelley

– The Apollonian vs the Dionysian in the work of Laverne and Du Santiago

– ‘Everyone is Irresistible’: pansexual psychosis in the lyrics of Howard Devoto

– Post-Libertines London: the Good, the Bad, and Thee Unstrung

– Sten Guns in Knightsbridge: West London’s past and future insurrections

– Rebecca Riots: ‘Friday’ and the final rupture of hypercapitalism

– Why ‘Come On Pilgrim’ says nothing to me about my life and ‘Come On, Eileen’ does

– Gavin & Stacey and the art of the affectionate stereotype

– Why Girls Aloud Covering ‘I Predict a Riot’ is 21st Century Music’s Most Accomplished Act of Class Warfare

– Emotional Hardcore: the rise and fall of the misery memoir

– To Infinity and Beyond: moderate-to-bad London clubs of the recent past, now office buildings or demolished

– (A literary mash-up, exactly the genre the world needs more of:) Chuck Palahniuk’s Jane Eyre

– ‘Time for Heroes’ eight years on and why 21st century political protest makes me want to smoke crack

– ‘We are ugly, but we have the music’: a Shampoo retrospective